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Quick Tips #15: How To Improve Your Self-Esteem
Question: I have a pretty low self-esteem. How can I overcome negative self-talk and grow self-worth and self-love?
That’s a great question.
I think a lot of INF types tend to struggle with this to one degree or another. We tend to be naturally predisposed to thinking that there is something wrong with us or that we are not worthy of love.
Often when we are growing up, we are not made to feel normal and important and that we matter. As a result, our self-esteem can really plummet.
When it comes to our self-love, self-acceptance, and especially our self-worth, our inner parent auxiliary process is the most important key.
Overcome negative self-talk and grow your self-worth through inner parenting:
1. Get to know your 3 and 10 year old inner boys or girls and start communicating with them.
Usually the 10 year old is the one that is critical and thinking about how things 'should' be. In real life, 10 and 3 year old children are actually very black and white thinkers, If they feel that something is wrong, they’ll go ahead with whatever they think is the black and white solution to their situation.
This happens especially when they are the major decision making process or the major information gathering process, instead of your inner parent.
Teach your inner parent to take over the inner dialog from the inner children.
2. Make the inner children’s feelings be important but start parenting them with your inner parenting process:
INFP - Exploration:
Exploration is there to remind the 10 year old memory boy or girl that how the situation seems right now isn’t the whole truth and that he or she doesn’t know everything that’s going on.
It’s important that the exploration parenting process brings the inner child to the outside world to show that he or she doesn’t actually have all the details.
When the exploration gathers more details and information, then you as an INFP grown up person can make decisions that are actually right for you as a whole, including your inner children.
INFJ - Harmony:
Start making harmonious choices according to what’s right for you, and then what’s right for other people.
To summarise: In order to grow self-love, get in touch with you inner children, communicate with them frequently respecting their feelings and build self-trust by parenting them with your inner parenting process.
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