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Quick Tips #28: Everyone Else Is Doing Well While I'm All Over The Place

Question: “It seems like everyone else is doing great and have their lives together and I feel like I am all over the place and can’t get anything done. Why am I feeling this way? That's a great question. Often when we are in our pain we don't see options in our lives and we see other people going strong and doing great. I think social media has a lot to answer for that because you see people posting all the good stuff that happens to them and it keeps this false sense of feeling that everybody else is doing really well and you are not. It’s good to remember here that everybody feels dis-empowered at times.

INF-types generally have a predisposition to feeling feelings and feeling down, because we are able to access a larger repertoire of feelings.

We have the ability to recognise a higher scale of the more challenging feelings and we’re not afraid to go there. In fact, we are willing to go into the hard, difficult feelings, whereas most other types are not.

INF-types are only about less than 9% of the world’s population, so it's very unusual for other types to have this repertoire of emotions and willingness to access those emotions. So yes, we might feel like we are struggling more than other people.

What's interesting is that we also have the ability to turn this one around. We need to engage our inner parent process (which is an extroverted process) so we don't get stuck in that introverted loop.

We don’t want to get stuck in the loop of our driver process (our adult self) nor our 10-year-old process. Both are introverted processes. We need to regularly remind ourselves about the outside world and who we are beyond how we’re feeling internally.

Acknowledge how much time of your day, week or month you spend in that space of feeling dis-empowered. If you never measure that, you might actually convince yourself that that's all you feel and that you are only your struggle. But that's not true, the struggle is only a part of you.

When other people seem to be doing everything so easily just remember that you have access to a larger repertoire of feelings and you're not afraid to go there. But by going deeper you might get stuck into the introverted loop that keeps you in that space.

So, practice engaging with the world outside of your inner world. In addition, actively practice utilising your inner parent and your 3-year-old processes in a healthy way.

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